Today I’m very excited to be participating in the 2012 Adoption Blogger Interview Project!
Heather at Production, Not Reproduction puts this on every November, and the list of participating adoption bloggers is phenomenal! Birth mothers, adult adoptees, foster care, domestic adoption, and international adoption are all represented, and I can’t wait to read through the posts. Click on the button above to check out this year’s participants.
I had the blessing of being paired up with Christina from The Lang Gang Loves. Christina writes about family, faith, homemaking, and orphan care issues.
Tell us a little about you guys. How many children do you have and how did they enter your family?
We have 6 children, 4 bios and 2 adopted. We adopted when our 4th bio son was 13 months old, and the children we brought home were 10 weeks and 2 years. For a short time we had 6 kids ages 6 and under. We adopted through foster adopt in California.
I know from your blog that your husband wasn’t on board with the idea of adoption for a long time. What advice would you give to women who desperately want to adopt but their husbands are opposed?
Don’t nag!!! Stop sending them messages about orphans!! Chances are it is not that they don’t agree that there is a crisis, the real truth is, they may be just needing more time to process. Remember, God has called them to lead our families and protect them. Adoption can be a threat to them. Be patient, and PRAY.
You chose to adopt through foster care. Did you only accept referrals of children who were cleared for adoption? How is that process different from private domestic adoption?
We only wanted children in our home who were well on their way to being adopted. In the state of CA they almost never terminate a parent’s rights until the children are placed in an adoptive home. It is definitely risky, but we trusted God through it. Our two little ones are the first and only children that were ever placed in our home by the state. In private domestic adoption there are a lot more fees, and usually the birth mom is choosing adoption, which can sometimes lead to a smoother process. In adopting through foster care, the birth parents are not always on board. The state is usually the ones who have stepped in to say that they are unfit to parent.
What is the biggest misconception that people have about adopting out of foster care?
That all of the kids are troublemakers. My two adopted children did come home with a few special needs. But their needs are very workable. The truth is, all children have ‘special’ needs. No two children are alike whether they are biologically yours or not. I have to work hard to be the best mom I can be to all of my kids, and because each one has a different personality and different strengths, my parenting varies a little depending on the kid.
Many agencies advise parents to adopt in birth order (the adopted child is the youngest in the family) for attachment reasons. You didn’t follow that advice as you had a baby and then adopted a two-year-old. How did that adjustment go for you?
We were very intentional on keeping our oldest child the oldest in the family. When we first started talking with our kids about adoption, this was actually his request and we wholeheartedly agreed. We ‘sandwiched’ our two adopted children around our youngest bio son who was 13 mos old when we brought them home. He was already the baby of four, so two more siblings did not make any difference in his world. He even shared his milk as I was able to nurse our new little girl because I was still nursing him. Because our children were all so young when we adopted, most of them will not remember life before. It has only been two years and it is hard for me to remember. We were also purposeful about explaining details to our children and answering all of their questions as best as we could throughout the process. They were involved as much as they could be. We were adopting as a family, and their opinions and concerns were noted (even though they were very young 6, 4, 2, and 4 months when we started the process).
Did you have any failed placements? If so, how did you help your boys through that process?
We were ‘matched’ with a sibling group of three sisters, but the placement fell through before we even met the girls. Our next match was our son and daughter.
Are you planning to adopt again?
We were ‘done’ having kids after we had 2! Then we were done again after 4. Now that we have six ages 9 and under we are a very full house. But God knows that we are never too full for His plan. We are not actively seeking another adoption, but we are never closed to God’s will.
Do you have any super-secret, must-have beauty items that you could share with us?
Moisturizer with SPF. That’s it! I don’t wear make-up everyday…who has time for that? So every day I wear moisturizer with SPF and then sometimes I even get some lip gloss and mascara on!
What is your favorite beverage?
The healthy girl inside of me wants me to say water. But the honest tired girl inside is yelling Coffee and Diet Coke. I know. Awful. I allow myself one cup of each “naughty drink” per day. Water the rest of the time.
What is one parenting responsibility that you pawn off on your husband as often as possible?
Bath and bed. Typing that makes me feel bad but at the end of the day, a sink full of dishes can actually be relaxing as I can hear him washing hair and brushing teeth upstairs. I don’t always have the patience for those things at the end of the day, and he gets to spend that special time with them before he tucks them in.
What is your least favorite household chore?
Honestly…the shower. I hate cleaning the shower. I will coerce my kids into it by trading them chores (I will clean your sinks if you will clean my shower ) and I have even been known to pay them to do it. I have even offered to pay my husband to do it!
Thank you so much, Christina! I enjoyed getting to know you these past few weeks.